life threatening banana cakes

Working in retail makes for a very interesting workday. You never know what weird happenings might occur during your shift. Especially when you combine retail with coffee and pastries.

I was working during a rainy day and a man walks in and starts telling one of my employees about a dangerous situation he had with a purchase he made. I was immediately brought over to discuss the issue with the customer. Hmmm, dangerous situations could include burns from a hot beverage, a chip in some glassware that cut someone's mouth, or severing a finger in an espresso machine (ok, that last one may be a little far fetched, but I'm trying to think of what the term dangerous could entail). The man started telling me how he had bought banana cakes for a party at work. One of the party goers started choking on a piece of plastic that was baked into the banana cake. (he was ever so kind as to bring in a little piece of plastic wrap to show me what was in the banana cake...I'm thinking this looks awfully clean to come out of the back of someone's throat!) This led to a life threatening situation that ruined the entire party because everyone had to stop what they were doing to remove the plastic from the victim's throat. Then comes the really funny part...the man says, "now ma'am, this was a dangerous situation...I was going to call my lawyer but decided that wasn't necessary...I just want a refund for the banana cakes...all of them". I asked how many banana cakes he had purchased and he said 10. Then, he said he wanted a reimbursement for 10 peanut butter stacks too because those had the same potential danger as the banana cakes since they were bought at the same time. Ok, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm no dummy. What I like to do in this situation is give the criminal time and questions. Time to get nervous, antsy and fear that I'm going to figure out that he is trying to steal from me. I ask a ton of questions so he can get caught in a lie and realilze he had better not come to my store again and pull this stunt again (I don't think he realizes that in my 3 years of working for that company, the largest pastry order I've sold was maybe 6 items, but hey, it could happen). I appologized for this huge inconvience this caused because some guy doesn't know how to chew and swallow (not worded quite like that). Then, I graciously offered to reimburse him for the banana cakes, but not the peanut butter stacks because there was no way the same plastic could have been baked in both pastries. He agreed to compromise and only accept reimbursement for the banana cakes. At this point, I am laughing (on the inside of course). I bring him over to the register in front of everyone to start the transaction (and questions).

I begin to ask:

• ME: do you have a receipt?
• Idiot: NO
• ME: wasn't it for a business party? you don't have one at the office for tax purposes?
• Idiot: uh, I dunno. I don't think so.
• ME: When did you make this purchase?
• Idiot: Yesterday morning.
• ME: Really? At THIS store?
• Idiot: Yes
• ME: I guess we just missed each other...do you have a minute? I need to go check on something before I am able to give you a refund...I'll be right back.

The guy then told one of the baristas he had to go move his car and he'd be right back...yeah, right. He never came back. Just as a precaution, I called around other stores to inform them of the life threatening banana cake guy. I tried a sample of one last week. Maybe I should sue the company because it might have been baked next to the idiot's banana cake. You know, I could choke through the cake's osmosis to each other. And if you are thinking of ripping me off, don't...just don't even bother.